Everyone has a unique parenting style, but which one are you? We’ll look at some of the different styles to see which one you best relate to.
How To Find Your Parenting Style
The views on what “right parenting” actually means can be extremely different. Most parents don’t consciously choose a parenting style, but influences from their own childhood and education shape the way they parent. So parents or grandparents tend to either follow the example they’ve had, or adopt the opposite technique.
So you could say: You don’t find your education style, rather it finds you. Perhaps you find each other.
Authoritarian and Anti-Authoritarian Parenting Styles
Roughly speaking, there are two types of educational styles: authoritarian and anti-authoritarian.
In authoritarian upbringing, the parents are the ones who set the pace. They decide about the child. The main aim is to teach good behavior and manners. This often happens through rewards and punishments for right or wrong behaviour. Discipline is a catchword that we often associate with authoritarian upbringing.
Anti-authoritarian education summarizes all parenting styles in which the family sees itself as democratic, i.e. the children have just as much a say as the parents. The needs of all family members should be taken into account as it were. So Mom and Dad do not decide alone, for example, what is done on the family day. Instead, there are suggestions and all family members decide together. Another result from this is also that a child never behaves “wrongly” or “rightly”. According to that, you do not need to reward or punish your kid for their behavior.
Helicopter Parents and Attachment Parenting Styles
Attachment parents usually fall into the anti-authoritarian parenting category, as they respond to their baby’s every need. These parents are usually active proponents of baby-wearing and cosleeping, so they can know their child’s needs. While attachment parenting usually won’t last beyond the earliest years, it helps to set the stage developing a parenting style.
Some attachment parents may evolve into helicopter parents, who might hover over all their child’s activities. But these parents could be authoritarian or more democratic in nature. They could indulge their child’s every desire, or strongly encourage their child to follow a set path. Either way, they play an extremely active role in their child’s development.
There are other parenting styles where the parents basically let children have free reign. These include the Laissez-Faire method. With this method, mothers and fathers do not show any limits to the children. Hence they leave the little ones to their own devices. This educational style represents another extreme pole to authoritarian education.
Parents method can either fall into the side of the permissive parenting style, where parents let the children have whatever they want. Uninvolved parents might also involve a laissez-faire approach to parenting, but they’re far less nurturing than their permissive parenting counterparts.
Rules And Boundaries: Essential Tools For Parenting
Child psychologists like the Dane Jesper Juul are sure that children definitely need boundaries. They need their parents to provide a framework in which they can move freely. However, it is important that parents explain this framework to their children again and again. Pointing out personal limits to them is also a good idea. In addition, the rules should be meaningful and coordinated with the needs. Parents shouldn’t arbitrarily invent them.
Many refer to this parenting framework as authoritative parenting. In this scenario, parents have limits and boundaries but are also nurturing and provide certain amounts of flexibility when needed. In this approach, parents might need to adjust their rules based on your child’s level of maturity. When kids get older, you need a different framework than you would for toddlers.
Be Flexible With Your Parenting Style
In many families, bringing children to bed in the evening is really a test of the parent’s patience. Many children delay their bedtime by dawdling. The little ones then think of a thousand things that must be absolutely done. They want an extra story, a snack, or drink even though they are already in bed. Parents have to consider whether the child is actually thirsty, or if they’re using a “stall tactic” instead because they do not want to go to bed.
So what should you do? A general ban on drinking would not be really beneficial, as could ignore a child’s needs. When we see a film in which a prisoner is denied water, we think it is torture. So why should we deny it to our daughter or son if they are really thirsty? On the other hand, you don’t want to give your child free reign, otherwise, they could start demanding ice cream and candy right before bed.
So this situation calls for a bit of compromise. Make an agreement with your offspring that they can have a last cup of water after brushing their teeth and nothing more as soon as they lie in bed. That way they can stay hydrated, and you don’t have to give in to every whim. Of course, if your child is prone to bed-wetting, you might not want to give them water too close to bed!
No matter which parenting style you follow: a certain amount of flexibility instead of rigid rules makes things easier for both your kid and you as parents.
Be Authentic: Create Your Unique Parenting Style
At the end of the day, it can be said again and again: There is not “the one” correct parenting style. Rather, individual factors such as the characters of the child and parents must be taken into account. Mothers and fathers often jump back and forth between different parenting methods depending on the situation. If we have had a long working day and are generally irritable, we are often stricter and more authoritarian towards our children. If we are a little more relaxed, for example on vacation, we sometimes leave it at five degrees and allow the little ones something we probably would not do at home.
The important thing is to provide consistent structure and love so that your children can thrive. Be sure to connect with all generations of your family on FamilyApp!